Call Me By Name – Respecting Our Girls and Women

When I try to get your attention,

I do it with respect.

If it’s you that I might want to mention,

Only positivity I’ll let,

Pass from my lips because,

That’s the definition of Respect…

…I’m more than just a “female”,

I am a woman.

A lady through and through,

Let me clarify this for you.

My name is “Doctor”, my name is Angela, my name is “Celeste”.

Call me a woman, call me a Lady, call me the Best.

So do me the same favor that I’ll extend to you,

Call me by my Name and I’ll respect your name too.

(Call Me By My Name from the CD, Reintroducing the Lady by Dr. Angela Celeste May, Celeste Productions, Inc. © 2017)

I was inspired to  write this song several years ago in response to what I perceived as a growing and alarming trend.  At the time I was a forensic examiner at the Third Circuit Court in Detroit, Michigan. In this role I used my skills as a clinical psychologist to conduct psychological evaluations of individuals who were charged with various criminal offenses. These evaluations  involved extended interviews into their history and explained what brought them into the judicial system.

It was during these conversations that I noticed a shift in language among many of my interviewees, whether they were women or men. I noticed that whenever they referred to human males they would call them “boys”, “men”, or “guys” as one would expect. However, when they spoke of human females suddenly the usual terms that separated humans from animals was gone. It had been replaced with the generic word for any female animal. They simply referred to them as a “females”.

This might have seemed innocuous to some, but I found it to be especially troubling because no such linguistic changes were employed when speaking of boys and men. Why this difference?  As the interviews continued, they seemed not to notice until I brought it up. I would ask, “What kind of female are you referring to?”, to which they would ask me to explain what I meant. My response was to inquire as to whether they were referring to a woman or a girl. The reply was often along the lines of, “Oh, um the female who I was talking to at the time”, or “The female at the cash register”. They seemed not to notice that even with my deliberate use of the words “woman” or “girl” that indicate humanity they continued speaking of them only by their sexual identification.

I also noticed that occasionally their wording would change mid-sentence when answering my question to something like, “What kind of female? The woman at the gas station”.

Over time, as I began to see that more people were using this same language, including those outside of work I would push back even harder by asking, “What kind of ‘female’ are you talking about? Do you mean a female goat? A female chicken?”.  This typically garnered a chagrined look as it dawned on them that they had fallen into this habit without realizing it.

 What’s In a Name? The Danger of Covert Dehumanization of Girls and Women

As many African communities have understood for millennia, one’s name is inextricably tied to one’s identity and humanity. This includes not just the given name, but also the names by which we identify our species and differentiate ourselves from animals, inanimate objects, etc.

There are certain instances in which people are purposely stripped of their human identifiers, only to be referred to as “female” or “male”. Examples include in prison when a person is called by a number instead of by name, or in the fitness industry when referring to male or female body builders and the words “body builder” are dropped. But the key difference in these examples is that the terminology is applied equally to BOTH men and women. My concern is rooted in another, more sinister use of the removal of human monikers and that is when someone wants to scapegoat another person or create an environment in which one can be victimized. Research has long shown that if you want to make it easier to harm people or to convince others to do harm one of the first steps is to strip them of their humanity. Doing so makes it psychologically easier to see them as a little less human, a little less like “our group” and thus a little more disposable. We have seen this tactic employed too often with marginalized communities and it is no different when applied to girls and women.

And while the creeping habit of referring to half of the human population by their sex might not be to purposely create harm, none the less it is indeed harmful. As this trend continued I noticed that if I used the words “girls” and “women” in response to other’s use of the term “females” it took real effort for them to switch back to using human descriptors. Why did it take effort? Because language rewires the brain. This is why affirmations are so powerful; what we say impacts what we believe, which in turn impacts our behaviors and expectations of ourselves and others. As psychologists we understand that language affects thoughts and vice versa. Speech is used to convey ideas, feelings and perspectives and is at the same time also influenced by those elements. Not calling a girl a girl or a woman a woman is a tacit way of conveying that they are not worthy of the same indicators given to their male counterparts. By using language that ignores the humanity (and thus dignity) of girls and women it erodes our perceptions of them and their perceptions of themselves.

 Over the years as this habit has spread like wildfire we now hear it everywhere. This is why, as both a musician and a psychologist I was inspired to write,  “Call Me By My Name”. It is a battle cry, reminding us that to call women and girls by their human terminology is imperative. Why? Because it is empowering, it is accurate, it is respectful and it is necessary!